Finland was a life school. Full of rough (and freezing) paths and some amazing moments, it marked the beginning of another, deeper, journey: the self-awareness one. For the first time ever, I was all by myself in an unknown place, realizing how self-suficient and brave I was while also having to face my fears and demons and starting to get to know who the hell this Elisa really was. Little did I know how my life would change forever from then on and we all heard it gets worse before it gets better, am I right?
There, my then unnoticed eating disorders began making me feel uncomfortable. I could not quite put my finger on what was going on though I did know something was off. I was losing control - and no human likes that sh*t.
On the other hand, with my snow boots on, I was going places. Met dozens of people from everywhere in this world, travelled all Northen European countries, learned Finnish (Moi Moi!) and intensely broadened my horizons.
A year later, some months before graduation, my not so long career in Advertising started with me being an intern at Leo Burnett Lisbon. I was finally in the midst of some of the best professionals in the business, learning and working like crazy, feeling important and needed. It was so cool. But something in me kept saying: "This is not it. Not yet." I remember trying to convince myself I was right where I was supposed to be, that nothing was wrong and that this would be my life forever. But a deeper calling was already in place.
I think I used the only resources I then knew well: escapism. Told myself I had had enough of being an intern and needed a next, bigger move. Decided I was going to live abroad again. But before that, why not stop by India for a month and a half?
There is something in me that likes the danger, the almost unsurvivable scenarios and the "don'ts" and "nos" from the people around me. All of those make me want to go forward even more. It might be due to having been raised by a very submissive, fearful mom. I somehow had to take over the courage and strenght - impersonate the hero archetype. So the trickier the situation, the more I'm enjoying it and trying to solve it by myself. India was a very good example: it is, by far, the most intense country on Earth. No other place carries more life and chaos and beauty than it. And I made it, I survived it. I'm a woman and I'm strong.
But, you guessed: I still had my ghosts to take care of and they surely came looking for me the minute I put my feet on another country.
(To be continued...)
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